Stuck in Idiotville
by Lady Stone
Summary: It was just a harmless prank! Until they got locked in a dark room with Snape! My, what shall The Marauders do? ::COMPLETE::
1. The Crazed Madness Begins

**Author's Note:** Hey! First chapter of the** (hopefully)** many to come! Okay, they're basically stuck in a dark room in their sixth year. Oh, **WARNING:** 'Some' **(Some...)** scenes mention SB/RL... So, if you're not fond of reading male/male stories... Well, you can still read it, it's not that bad... But... Ah, what the hell! Go ahead!  
  
Sorry it's so short! I'll make it longer next time! grin  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own any mentioned characters!   
  
** Stuck in Idiotville**  
  
_ by Lady Stone  
_  
The Marauder's were sixteen at the time the tragic incident took place. The four of them were making their way cautiously towards the Great Hall to write in fish guts above the Entrance:  
  
_He's slimy and stupid_  
  
_His smell is so putrid_  
  
_He deserves a horrid fate_  
  
_For he is the greasy git Snape!_  
  
But on the way there they could hear Filch and Mrs. Norris approaching quickly. The Invisibly Cloak wouldn't be able to cover all four of them, so they sped off down the hall. They quickly ran into the door nearest to them.  
  
_ 'Click'._ The horrid sound was made as the door locked it's self. The Marauders were even more upset to find that the whole room was pitch-black.  
  
"Aren't there any damn windows in here!?" Padfoot hissed.  
  
"Erm... Anyone have their wands? I left mine back in the Common Room..." Prongs murmured sadly.  
  
Padfoot could be heard groaning, "You told me not to bring mine!"  
  
"That's because you tend to go overboard and end up blowing something up on the way back!" Moony said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Hey! I do not! I only do that when you start whining we're gonna get caught!" Padfoot growled.  
  
"Shut your mouth Padfoot! Or I'll..."  
  
"You guys... h-hear s-s-something...?" Wormtail stuttered.  
  
A loud rustling noise was heard and someone let out a little cough. "Hello... _Potter_."  
  
"AHH!!!" Wormtail yelled loudly and a loud thud was heard.  
  
"Get off of me!" Padfoot yelled. "It's only Snape!"  
  
Prongs could be heard groaning, "Snape... Great, we're locked in a VERY dark room with this greasy git..."  
  
Snape growled, "Shut your bloody mouth Potter! Or I'll curse you!"  
  
"Ha! You'd miss!"  
  
"He could use the Lumos spell..." Wormtail whined.  
  
Padfoot was heard whacking him on the head.  
  
"Idiot. I don't even have my wand..." Snape grumbled.  
  
"So, empty threats, eh?" Prongs said smoothly.  
  
"Let's sing a song!" Padfoot yelled.  
  
"We are so NOT singing anything!" Moony said huffily.  
  
"Why not!?" Padfoot pouted.  
  
"Because you have a horrid singing voice! I rather kiss a Dementor!" Moony said smartly.  
  
"Why not just kiss me!" A loud smooching sound was heard.  
  
"Padfoot! Get off of me!" Moony yelled.  
  
"Seems as though Wolfie's got himself a boyfriend..." Snape snickered.  
  
"Oh yes! I just love you Moony!" Another loud smooching sound.  
  
"STOP IT!" Moony screamed. "Prongs! Take away this horny dog!"  
  
Prongs chuckled. "I can't see a thing Moony, sorry..." Though he sounded far from it.  
  
"Anyone have a wand!?" Wormtail grumbled.  
  
"Nope, but we got a bucket full of fish guts!" Padfoot remarked happily.  
  
"How romantic..." Moony grumbled annoyingly.  
  
"Of course!" A loud slapping sound.  
  
"PRONGS!!! Get him away! He just slapped my arse!"  
  
Prongs chuckled. "Sorry, Moony..."  
  
Moony could be heard growling angrily.  
  
"So, why didn't you smart arses bring wands?" Snape remarked coolly.  
  
"You didn't bring one either!" Wormtail said smartly.  
  
Snape growled, "That's because I dropped it somewhere in here... If I could find it I'd unlock the door!"  
  
"How about we look for it then." Prongs implied.  
  
"Can we sing a song first!"  
  
"No, Padfoot..."  
  
"Come on, love! It'll be fun!"  
  
Moony hissed a complaint at the nickname. "No..."  
  
"Jingle Bells! Jingle Bell-"  
  
"Wormtail! Shut up!" Moony yelled.  
  
"But it's fun..." Wormtail pouted.  
  
"Jingle all the way! Oh what fun-"  
  
"Prongs!"  
  
"See, Moony! They **WANT** to sing!" Padfoot remarked proudly.  
  
"I don't..." Snape grumbled.  
  
"I agree with Snape." Moony said firmly.  
  
Gasping could be heard. "I think Hell just froze over!" Prongs said loudly.  
  
"Well, at the time he's the only sane one! **HE** doesn't want to sing Jingle Bells..."  
  
"It is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh!"  
  
"HEY!"  
  
"Snape!"  
  
"Sorry... Song's getting to me..."  
  
Moony huffed. "Fine! Sing the bloody song then we'll look for the wand..."  
  
"YEAH!" The four yelled.  
  
Moony groaned, "Oh Great Wizards..."  
  
"Thanks Moony! Kissy-kissy!" Padfoot yelled.  
  
"NO!" Moony screamed.  
  
"AHHH!!!" Wormtail screamed, "That was me! Not Moony!"  
  
"Oops..." 


	2. The Song That Began It All

**Author's Note:** Thanks for the reviews! This is the second chapter! It mentions SB/RL. But it's not a lot!  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own the mentioned characters!  
****

** Stuck in Idiotville**  
  
_ By Lady Stone  
_  
"Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! Jingle all the way!" Padfoot sung happily.  
  
"Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh!" Wormtail yelled.  
  
"HEY!" Snape and Prongs screamed.  
  
Moony groaned, "Now can we look for the damned wand!?"  
  
"NO!" Padfoot announced.  
  
"Why not!?"  
  
"Let's sing another song!"  
  
"YAY!"  
  
"Snape, shut up!" Prongs yelled. "Yes, let's look for the wand..."  
  
"Fine..." Padfoot mumbled.  
  
The five of them start moving around, looking for the wand. A thud could be heard...  
  
"Ow... I think I broke my arse..." Wormtail muttered.  
  
"Um, okay then..." Padfoot coughed.  
  
"Padfoot! Get you hand off my leg!" Moony growled.  
  
"Um, I'm across the room..."  
  
"Er, sorry... That's me." Snape grumbled.  
  
"EW!" Prongs screamed.  
  
"Hey! I thought it was chair or something!" Snape yelled.  
  
"Hey! Don't touch Moony! He's mine!" Padfoot announced.  
  
"What the bloody hell!? I am **NOT** yours Padfoot!"  
  
"Of course you are..." Padfoot whispered seductively.  
  
"Padfoot? What are you doing?" Moony said nervously. "Where are you... ?"  
  
"Mwhahahahaha..." Padfoot laughed evilly.  
  
"Oh Great Wizards... Did someone find that damn wand yet!?" Moony asked slowly.  
  
"I think I've got it!" Wormtail yelled happily.  
  
"Thank God..." Prongs said.  
  
"Give me my wand, you idiot!" Snape yelled.  
  
"Fine, fine..." Wormtail poked him in the side.  
  
"Why do people keep touching me!?" Moony yelled.  
  
"Er, sorry Moony. Thought you were Snape..."  
  
"Give me that!" Snape growled again.  
  
"Okay!" A thud was heard.  
  
"Erm... Did you throw it...?" Snape asked uneasily.  
  
"Oops... Who did I hit!?"  
  
"Not me... Please say you knocked Padfoot out!" Moony answered.  
  
"Nope, I'm still conscious." Padfoot announced happily as Moony groaned.  
  
"Prongs...?" Wormtail asked. "Prongs!?"  
  
No sound was made. "Great, you killed Prongs!" Padfoot yelled.  
  
"I didn't mean to!" Wormtail said sadly.  
  
Snape groaned, "Now where is the bloody wand...?" A loud crash was heard. "Damn vase!"  
  
Moony groaned was heard smacking his forehead. "I'm stuck in a room with a lot of idiots!"  
  
"And me..." Padfoot whispered.  
  
"Get away you horny bugger!" Moony yelled.  
  
Wormtail snickered, "I think Padfoot is hitting on you, Moony!" He yelled gleefully.  
  
"Er... I hope to God not..."  
  
"Too bad!" Padfoot yelled.  
  
"No..." Moony groaned.  
  
"I believe Wolfie and his boyfriend are taking advantage of this dark room..." Snape laughed coldly and Wormtail joined him.  
  
"Shut up, you greasy git!" Moony screamed. A loud smooching sound was heard,  
  
"Ahh!!! Get the hell away from me!"  
  
Padfoot laughed, "Oh, come on now! It's just a bit of fun!"  
  
"Grr... Not to me! It's quite annoying!"  
  
"Aw... Their first fight!" Snape giggled.  
  
"SHUT UP!" A loud crash was heard.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THROW AT ME!?" Snape screamed.  
  
"A vase, you dolt!"  
  
"You could've killed me!"  
  
"It's a shame I didn't!"  
  
"Why you little-"  
  
"Mary had a little lamb! Little lamb-"  
  
"SHUT UP, PETER!" The three yelled.  
  
"But..." Wormtail pouted.  
  
"What's all the commotion about...?" Prongs suddenly groaned.  
  
"Prongs! You're alive!" Wormtail yelled happily.  
  
"Padfoot keeps hitting on me!" Moony screamed.  
  
"Wolfie-boy threw a vase at me!" Snape bellowed.  
  
"They keep being mean to me!" Wormtail whined.  
  
"Moony won't let me kiss him!"  
  
"Shut up, Padfoot!"  
  
"Er... I missed a bit, didn't I?" Prongs asked uneasily.  
  
"Not a lot... But enough to make us go crazy!" Padfoot replied.  
  
"No, you're already crazy! Stop touching me!"  
  
Prongs snickered and then sighed, "Okay, Padfoot! Stop hitting on Moony!"  
  
"But, it's so much fun..." Padfoot pouted.  
  
"Not to me!" Moony growled again.  
  
"Little lamb! Mary had a little lamb! Fleece as white as-"  
  
"SNOW!" Padfoot screamed.  
  
"I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO SING ANOTHER BLOODY SONG!" Moony bellowed.  
  
"Why not!?"  
  
"Because your singing voice it torturing my poor sensitive ears!" Moony whined.  
  
"Please..." This time Wormtail asked.  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Come on, Remmie!" Prongs pouted.  
  
"I bet Snape doesn't want to..." Moony announced proudly.  
  
"I don't want to... But I will! I mean, since you **THREW** a **VASE** at my **HEAD**!" Snape hissed.  
  
"Please, you guys! Why must they be stupid songs! I mean, Jingle Bells and Mary Had A Little Lamb!? What the heck!?" Moony whined.  
  
"What about Michael Jackson!" Wormtail asked.  
  
"OH GOD NO!" The other four screamed violently.  
  
"Fine..." Wormtail pouted.  
  
"How about... Old McDonald had a farm!" Padfoot started.  
  
"E-I-E-I-O!" Prongs sung along.  
  
"STOP! Not that either!" Snape hissed.  
  
"What, then!" Prongs asked.  
  
"Can't we just look for the wand already...?" Moony asked sadly.  
  
"Aw. Do you need a hug?" Padfoot asked slowly.  
  
"Yeah, but not from YOU!"  
  
"Fine! Be that way!" Padfoot could be heard fake crying.  
  
"What about from me!?" Wormtail asked proudly.  
  
"God no! Rather have one from Sirius..." Moony muttered.  
  
"OKAY!" Padfoot bellowed.  
  
"I mean-" Moony started.  
  
"BLOODY HELL, BLACK! GET OFF ME!" Snape screamed wildly.  
  
"Damn it... You're not Moony!" Padfoot said sadly.  
  
"No, I'm not! So, don't even TRY snogging me!"  
  
"Hey! He wouldn't snog me! Maybe kiss me! But SNOG!?" Moony yelled.  
  
"Or would I...?"  
  
"Get away from me Padfoot..."  
  
"Padfoot! Leave Moony alone! Let's just look for the wand." Prongs informed them.  
  
"Fine." Padfoot growled.  
  
They all began crawling on the floor looking for the wand once more...  
  
"I think I've got it!" Padfoot yelled happily.  
  
"No, that's my hand..." Moony said slowly.  
  
"I know!"  
  
"STOP IT!"  
  
"Come on Padfoot! Snog Moony when we're not alone in a dark room... Wait... That sounds like a perfect place to snog someone! I've gotta bring Lily here!" Prongs said happily.  
  
Moony groaned, "Just find the wand... Okay?"  
  
"We're trying to look!" Snape hissed.  
  
"I've got it!" Wormtail said.  
  
"This time don't **THROW** it!" Snape yelled.  
  
"Okay, here!"  
  
"All right, I've got my wand! Now it's time to get out of here!"  
  
"YAY!" Moony, Prongs, and Wormtail screamed happily.  
  
"Must we?" Padfoot said sadly.  
  
"Bring back Wolfie on your own time!" Snape yelled at him.  
  
"Grr... He will certainly NOT!" Moony bellowed.  
  
"Whatever..." Snape muttered. "LUMOS!"  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
"Erm, Snape..."  
  
"Shut up Potter!"  
  
"Maybe it's not a wand..." Wormtail whimpered.  
  
"Then what the hell is it!?" Snape asked loudly.  
  
"I don't know..."  
  
"It could be a twig!" Padfoot yelled, sounding happy that they weren't leaving soon.  
  
"Erm... Why would there be a twig in this room!?" Prongs asked.  
  
"I don't know... I was just a guess! Jeez!" Padfoot said sourly.  
  
"Whatever..." Moony muttered. "Great... We're stuck in here longer..."  
  
"Cool! Hey, Remmie-baby..."  
  
"Touch me, I shall bite you!"  
  
"Ah, sounds nice..."  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
"Sounds as though Wolfie really is dangerous!" Snape sneered.  
  
"Shut up, Snivellus!" Prongs yelled.  
  
"Call me that again and I shall poke you in the eye with the twig... Or what is supposedly a twig..."  
  
"SNIVELLUS!!!" Prongs bellowed.  
  
"Argh! Die fiend die!"  
  
"Stop it!" Wormtail groaned.  
  
"Remmie..." Padfoot said slyly.  
  
"Padfoot, are you gay?"  
  
"WHAT!?" Padfoot yelled surprisingly, "Why the hell would you think that!?"  
  
Wormtail sighed, "I wonder..."  
  
"Why...? Are **YOU**, Moony?" Padfoot asked nervously.  
  
"Maybe..." Moony whispered, turning the tables on Sirius.  
  
"Oh God... I want outa here NOW!"  
  
Moony snickered, "Come on Snape and Prongs! Let's look for the wand!"  
  
"Okay- OUCH! STOP POKING ME!"  
  
"I warned you, Potter! I warned you!"  
  
Moony groaned and slapped his forehead.  
  
"While we wait for them, let's sing a song!" Wormtail said warmly.  
  
"Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells!" Padfoot started.  
  
"Not that bloody song again..." Moony muttered.


	3. Violent Marco Polo and Eddie the Elf

**Author's Note:** Hey! Thanks for all the reviews! I luv all of you! You all get Snape plushies!   
  
**Warning:** Tad bit of SB/RL.  
  
**Beware:** This was written at 2:32 AM after two bowls of Count Chocola. Mwhahaha.  
  
** Stuck in Idiotville**  
  
_ By Lady Stone  
_  
"Jingle all the WAY!" Padfoot, Prongs, Snape, and Wormtail sung happily.  
  
"HE-"  
  
"Sing HEY and I'll strangle you!" Moony yelled fiercely.  
  
"You're no fun, Moony!" Wormtail pouted.  
  
"I bloody don't care! Can we, puh-leeze... Look for that damned wand already!?" Moony said huffily.  
  
"Yeah, I'm starting to get dizzy..." Prongs noted.  
  
"Oh Great Wizards! What if we run out of oxygen!?" Wormtail screamed.  
  
"NO! I'll never let my Moony die!" Padfoot sobbed.  
  
"What!? I thought you weren't gay!" Snape insisted.  
  
"I'm not! I'm just Remus-Sexual!"  
  
Moony could be heard growling, "That does not mean-"  
  
"I FOUND THE WAND!" Prongs yelled happily.  
  
"YAY!" Snape, Wormtail, and Moony sang.  
  
"NO!" Padfoot screamed.  
  
"MWHAHAHAHA!!!" Moony laughed evilly.  
  
"Oh God... I think you've drove Moony to insanity, Padfoot..." Prongs grumbled.  
  
"He already was insane..." Snape murmured. "Now, hand me the wand."  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not!?"  
  
"Because you attacked me with a twig!"  
  
"You were deserving of it!"  
  
"I WAS NOT!"  
  
"WAS TOO!"  
  
"WAS NOT!"  
  
"WAS TOO!"  
  
"I LIKE CHEESE!"  
  
"Erm... Wormtail?"  
  
"Yeah...?"  
  
"STAY OUT OF OUR FIGHT!" Prongs yelled.  
  
"But I didn't say anything..."  
  
"Then..." Prongs thought for a moment, "PADFOOT!"  
  
"What!? I do like cheese!"  
  
"Freak..." Snape muttered.  
  
"Hand him the wand, Prongs! I'm getting tired!" Moony yelped.  
  
"Then go to sleep!" Prongs said huffily.  
  
"Yeah, I'm gonna lay down in dark room where Padfoot is hitting on me... Of course!" Moony noted sarcastically.  
  
"Hehehe..." Padfoot laughed happily.  
  
"You sleep in the same dorm room with him!" Wormtail said annoyed.  
  
"So! I have my wand ready then, and I can leave whenever I choose to!" Moony snapped.  
  
"I just want my wand! I'd rather not live out my days here! Especially when it gets to the full moon!" Snape yelled.  
  
"Uh... When's the next full moon, Moony?" Prongs asked worriedly.  
  
"Er... Tomorrow..."  
  
"Shit! Take the wand Snape! Hurry!" Prongs shoved the wand at Snape.  
  
"Hurry up and give it over!" Snape yelled.  
  
"I did!"  
  
"No, you didn't!"  
  
"Okay, who has the wand!?" Prongs yelled.  
  
"Mwhahaha..." Padfoot laughed evilly.  
  
"Gods no..." Moony grumbled.  
  
"Padfoot! Open the door!" Wormtail whined.  
  
"No!"  
  
"OPEN THE FRICKING DOOR!!!" Moony screeched.  
  
"Calm down Moony!" Prongs said.  
  
"I haven't had any chocolate in two hours!" Moony whined.  
  
"Oh Great Wizards..." Wormtail whispered, "A chocolate-less Moony, is a dangerous Moony."  
  
Prongs and Padfoot snickered. "What do you mean by that!?" Moony asked huffily.  
  
"Nothing... But you freak out." Padfoot said.  
  
"I do not!"  
  
"Do too!"  
  
"Do not!"  
  
"DO TOO!"  
  
"DO NOT!"  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" Snape bellowed. "Now, hand me my wand and kiss and make up!"  
  
"Okay!" Padfoot said cheerfully. A loud smooching sound was heard.  
  
"STOP IT!" Moony screamed. "Why... Why me!?" Moony whined inwardly.  
  
"GIVE ME THE DAMN WAND!" Snape yelled angrily.  
  
"No!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"WRONG!"  
  
"RIGHT!" Silence. "Maybe..."  
  
"Mary had a little lamb! Little lamb..."  
  
"WORMTAIL!"  
  
"Sorry Moony..." Wormtail said sheepishly.  
  
"GIVE ME MY WAND!"  
  
"FINE!"  
  
"Finally..." Moony grumbled.  
  
"What about the fish guts!?" Padfoot asked happily.  
  
"Fish guts...? Wha...?" Snape asked stupidly. "I don't wanna know. Now, my wand please!"  
  
"Fine, fine..." Padfoot grumbled and handed him the wand. "But we still have fish guts! That's why we're locked in here!"  
  
"Ah... That's what the smell is! I thought it was Snape!" Prongs said happily.  
  
"Hey! I have a wand now!"  
  
"SO!?"  
  
"SO, I'LL CURSE YOU!"  
  
"I DARE YOU!"  
  
"FINE! I WILL!"  
  
"STOP IT!" Wormtail screamed. "I want out of here! Now, do Lumos!"  
  
"Fine..." Snape grumbled. "LUMOS!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Snape..."  
  
"Shut it, Potter..."  
  
Silence.  
  
"So, who's up for a game of Duck, Duck, Goose?" Padfoot asked eagerly.  
  
Snape growled, "No, besides if we did. We couldn't see the game. It would turn into a violent Duck, Duck, Goose..."  
  
"Well, we gotta do something! I mean, after you're malfunctioning wand!" Wormtail murmured.  
  
"My wand is fine! This isn't even my wan-... Hey! It feels exactly the same as that twig! DAMNIT!" Snape bellowed.  
  
"Duck... Duck... Duck..." Padfoot started.  
  
"No." Prongs said firmly.  
  
"WHAT!? Even you don't wanna play!?" Padfoot whined.  
  
"I'll play!" Wormtail insisted.  
  
"But it's not fun with only two people!" Padfoot whined again.  
  
"Shut your trap..." Moony growled.  
  
"Marco Polo!" Peter suggested happily.  
  
"God... No! We are so not playing Violent Marco Polo!" Moony grumbled.  
  
"Marco!" Padfoot yelled.  
  
"POLO!" Wormtail yelled.  
  
A loud crash was heard. "MY LEG! I THINK I BROKE MY LEG!" Padfoot started screaming.  
  
Prongs was heard slapping his forehead, "Great Wizards... No."  
  
"YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS!" Snape bellowed.  
  
"I said that already!" Moony argued.  
  
"So!? I'm saying it again!" Snape growled.  
  
"JINGLE BELLS!"  
  
"You've broken your leg but still have time enough to sing Jingle Bells!?" Moony screamed.  
  
"JINGLE ALL THE WAY!" Wormtail joined in.  
  
"It keeps the pain away!" Padfoot explained easily.  
  
"God..." Moony mumbled.  
  
"Damn twig..." Snape sighed, "I suppose I shall befriend you... Everyone else is annoying as hell... I shall bid you Eddie the Elf!" Snape said happily.  
  
If the lights were on, everyone would see the look of sheer terror on Moony's face.  
  
"So, Eddie the Elf. How are you this evening?" Snape asked.  
  
"JINGLE BELLS! JINGLE BELLS!" Padfoot and Wormtail sung happily.  
  
"Moony...?" Prongs asked uncertainly.  
  
"Yeah, Prongs?"  
  
"Erm... I'm afraid."  
  
"Me too, Prongs... Me too." 


	4. Tis This The End of The Idiocy?

**Author's Note:** THANKS FOR ALL THE GREAT REVIEWS!!! I enjoyed reading them! You guys are beyond wonderful! I do apologize for those of you who don't like RL/SB, and those who want more... Hehehe... Also, on another note - Many of you are confused with the concept of 'Eddie the Elf'... Let me explain...  
  
Well... Eddie isn't anything but an inanimate object **(a stick, so he can't talk...)** He's not even a _'he'_ or a _'she'_... More like an _'it'_.... Well, Eddie isn't considered a House Elf **OR** a LOTR Elf either... Just think of him as a stick with a name...  
  
**Warning:** Tad bit of humorous SB/RL.  
  
** Stuck in Idiotville**

_ by Lady Stone  
_  
"JINGLE ALL THE WAY! H-" Padfoot and Wormtail were silent for moment, waiting for Moony to stop them from saying 'hey'.  
  
"Why'd you guys stop?" Prongs asked quietly.  
  
"Well... How come Moony isn't talking?" Wormtail asked wondrously.  
  
"I don't know... Do you know, Eddie the Elf?" Came Snape's giddy voice.  
  
_Silence_.  
  
"Erm... Has Snape gone bonkers? And has Moony died?" Wormtail asked uncertainly.  
  
"NO! MOONY! COME BACK TO ME!" Padfoot whined.  
  
"Oh, bugger off." Came Moony's annoyed voice. "I'm not dead... I'm just in my own little world at the moment."  
  
"Ah..." Prongs said.  
  
"So, Eddie... What are you up to today? Hmm..."  
  
"Snape! Shut it!" Moony yelped. "I cannot take it anymore! YOU'RE ALL DRIVING ME CRAZY!"  
  
"Don't hyperventilate, my sweet!" Padfoot cooed.  
  
"SHUT UP!" Moony yelped.  
  
"I want outa here..." Wormtail whined.  
  
"So do I, Wormtail... So do I..." Prongs muttered. "Hey, Snape?"  
  
"What, Potter?" Snape asked slowly.  
  
"Can I see Eddie for a second, please?" Prongs asked sweetly.  
  
"Erm... Okay..." Snape handed him over. "But do be gentle, he's very fragil- "  
  
_Snap!  
_  
"**EDDIE**!!!** NO**!** WHAT HAS THIS HORRID WORLD COME TO**!?" Snape bellowed.  
  
Padfoot snickered. "You deserved it."  
  
"Be quiet! Or I'll snap Wolfie in half!"  
  
**"TOUCH REMMIE AND YOU SHALL DIE FIEND**!!!"  
  
"PADFOOT! Shut up!" Moony yelled.  
  
"EVERYONE!? SHUT UP!" Prongs screamed and all was silent. "Good. Now... Shall we search for Snape's wand again?"  
  
"We'll never find it... We're stuck here for all of eternity..." Wormtail moaned as Moony was heard whimpering.  
  
"We've gotta try... Or we'll all starve to death." Prongs said firmly.  
  
"Well... We've got fish guts? They're good in protein... Right?" Padfoot asked uncertainly.  
  
"Why'd don't we eat Snape?" Wormtail asked wearily as Snape was heard growling.  
  
"Nah. Don't eat greasy foods. I'm on a diet." Padfoot sighed.  
  
"Shut it!" Snape hissed.  
  
"Well... We should eat Moony first... Because if he's still here tomorrow then he'll eat us all..." Prongs said eagerly.  
  
"NO!" Moony bellowed.  
  
"I'll protect you from them, my love!" Padfoot said happily as Moony groaned.  
  
"It's settled then... We'll first eat the fish guts, then Moony, then Wormtail, he's plump, and then comes Padfoot... Then me. We'll leave Snape by himself... He can fend." Prongs snickered.  
  
"You will not eat me first!" Moony yelled ruefully.  
  
"I'm not plump! Just big boned!" Wormtail hollered.  
  
"You can eat me first! Just don't touch my Moony!" Padfoot argued.  
  
"I will not be left alone! Even if I have to stay with you lot!" Snape grimaced.  
  
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Prongs hollered. "I was just kidding! Great Wizards... You should eat me first so I won't have to listen to you all!"  
  
"That can be arranged." Snape muttered.  
  
"Why in the world are we talking about eating each other in the first place?" Wormtail asked curiously.  
  
"Because we'll be stuck in here forever, that's why." Moony muttered.  
  
"Yay! I'll have my Moony forever!" Padfoot yelled happily and a loud smooch was heard.  
  
Snape sighed, "I don't even have enough strength to yell at you, Black..."  
  
"Ew... I kissed Snape." Padfoot groaned.  
  
"That's something to tell the grandkids..." Moony muttered.  
  
"We're gonna have grandkids! Yippee!" Padfoot shouted.  
  
"That is NOT gonna happen!" Moony hissed.  
  
"How would it anyway? I mean... You two wouldn't be able to have kids-" Wormtail was silent. "You know what? Let's just drop the subject."  
  
"I wish Lily were here..." Prongs muttered.  
  
"Sucks to be you!" Padfoot snickered.  
  
"Hey! You have Moony with you!" Prongs yelled.  
  
"I know!" Padfoot said happily.  
  
Moony didn't even bother this time... "So, Padfoot?"  
  
"Yes, my sweet?"  
  
Moony moaned, "What ever happened to your broken leg anyway?"  
  
"Oh, well I just healed it with my wand!" Padfoot announced happily.  
  
_Silence._  
  
"What? Did I just hear that right?" Prongs hissed.  
  
"Uh, yeah..." Padfoot answered, confused.  
  
"You have your wand?" Moony asked angrily.  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"But you said you didn't!" Wormtail hissed.  
  
"Well, I guess I just forgot!"  
  
"When did you remember?" Snape asked curiously.  
  
"Um... About half-an-hour ago..." Padfoot answered, still confused.  
  
_Silence.  
_  
"I'm gonna kill you, Padfoot." Prongs said softly.  
  
"**GIVE ME YOUR DAMN WAND**!" Moony bellowed.  
  
"Jeez, Moony! In a crowded room!? I thought different of you!" Padfoot hissed jokingly.  
  
"EW!" Wormtail whimpered.  
  
"PADFOOT!" Moony screamed.  
  
"Sorry! Jeez... Here ya go!" Padfoot handed the wand to Moony.  
  
"Okay, now to leave this horrid place..." Moony muttered. "Lumos!"  
  
Light enveloped from the end of the wand and surrounded the five wizards. They were all sitting in a circle in the middle of an empty room, except for a few small tables with abandoned vases and books atop them.  
  
"I can see!" Wormtail quipped happily.  
  
"I'm so happy!" Prongs began crying in his hands.  
  
"Great Wizards... I'm free from this retched darkness with these idiots..." Snape murmured, but was looking at the remnants of his lost friend, Eddie the Elf.  
  
"I'm gonna get out here... I'm leaving..." Moony said in awe.  
  
Padfoot was grinning idiotically at Moony and all of a sudden, leaped on top of him and kissed him deeply.  
  
"PADFOOT!" Moony yelled and pushed the boy off of him.  
  
Wormtail snickered and took the wand from Moony. "And now... To finally leave this horrid place..." He sighed and turned toward the door. "Aloho-"

**The End!**

**Author's Note:** JUST KIDDING! Mwhahaha... Don't ya just hate cliffhangers... Hehehehe...


	5. In and Out: A Story of Green Jello

**Author's Note:** Ahh... sigh I've counted and re-counted the votes and it came to... _dun-dun-dun... _**C:** Getting out of the room and somehow getting back in! Mwhahaha... I'm really happy all of you have decided to review!   
  
**Warning:** Some intended RL/SB content. Please leave if this is not to your liking and/or you cannot stomach it...  
  
Oh, I'd like to thank some of the reviewers! wink Thanks to Kiki-The- Random-Maid**en (Yes, you just don't want to know... Hehehe...)**, Lessa Solarem **(Hehehe... You've been reviewing just about all of my chapters, here and The Show!)**, Laura **(Sheesh... You have many friends, don't ya? wink)**, Kim **(Thanks... People rarely tell me how good my stories are written...)**, WardenMistress** (Thank-you so much for that information! I had no idea! It's really helpful when people let me know something is wrong in the stor**y**!)**, Sirius' sweetie (**Yes, I know some people don't like the RL/SB... But I DID warn you! So, you really can't complain about that... Thanks all the same for the review!)**, Dragon Mistress **(Hehehe... I quite like your idea for a choice E...)**, Good Luck Kitten (**Thanks for reviewing! You're a very talented author yourself! Oh, and that's hilarious how we have the same names... Mwhahaha...)**, silver lightening **(Hehehe... I like your dorm room idea... Mind if I try it?)**; and many thanks to YoukoGryffindor4, dragon-princess2028, evelyn, Marissa03, Ocean Goddess of Mirkwood, Tori, Apona, Uozumi, insane werewolf luva, Silver Wolf Eyes, Karu Leonnese, Lellie, Mandy, kantomon, Kalorna Enera, Mwpp-lover, Sammy Rettop Malfoy, Fyre Faerie, Marauders Gal, Jade Fire1, spanish-girl, ms. halley, and violentstorm32!!!

** Stuck In Idiotville**   
  
_ by Lady Stone_

"And now... To finally leave this horrid place..." Wormtail sighed and turned toward the door, "Alohomora!"  
  
_BANG!_ The door flew open and Snape made a squeal of delight. Wormtail grinned and smugly handed Padfoot his wand.  
  
"Damn... I was hoping it wouldn't work..." Padfoot muttered and shoved the wand in his pocket.  
  
Moony sighed with relief and stood up, "I'm free... I'm free..."  
  
"Thank Great Wizards, I'm alive after that..." Prongs announced, standing up carefully. He quickly made his way to the door and stood out in the hallway, grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"Well, lets get out of this hellhole..." Moony smirked and walked into the hallway as well.  
  
"But I don't wanna..." Padfoot moaned and crossed his arms pitifully.  
  
Moony and Prongs sighed while Wormtail frowned, "Well, I suppose you could stay by yourself..."  
  
"No! I want Moony to stay with me!" Padfoot winked at Moony.  
  
Snape growled, "Gross..." He muttered and turned toward the door, " Well, you and Wolfie can get all kissy-faced in your bedroom..."  
  
Moony's face twisted in horror as he turned to Prongs, "PRONGS!? What if Padfoot JUMPS me!?"  
  
Prongs snickered and patted Moony on the back, "Well, Moony... I think it's time you learned about the birds and the bees-"  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" Moony screamed and covered his ears.  
  
"The birds and the bees?" Wormtail frowned. "What's that?"  
  
_Silence.  
_  
"Erm... Are you serious?" Prongs issued quickly.  
  
"Uh, yeah...?" Wormtail answered, still confused.  
  
Moony cleared his throat, "Well, Wormtail, dear 'ole pal... When a woman and a man-"  
  
"Or in Black and Lupin's case, a man and a man..." Snape interjected.  
  
Prongs snickered and Moony glared, "Shut it, Snivellus..."  
  
Padfoot snickered and looked at Wormtail, "When two people like each other enough, they decide to... Erm... Uh... Prongs!? Help me out here!"  
  
Prongs frowned, "I really don't think I can... My father didn't even tell me... I just _knew_..."  
  
"Yeah..." Moony grumbled.  
  
"Here." Snape began and picked up the two pieces that was once Eddie the Elf, "Let me demonstrate... Pretend these two pieces are two people... Well,..." Snape went through with directing the two sticks to interact...  
  
"They wrestle?" Wormtail asked confused.  
  
_Silence.  
_  
"Uh... Sure." Padfoot concluded happily.  
  
"We'll leave it at that..." Prongs insisted.  
  
Snape walked out into the hallway and headed for his dorms, muttering, "I cannot believe I just spent my Saturday locked in a dark room with the Marauders and finished up with attempting to explain to Pettigrew the 'birds and the bees'..."  
  
The Marauders watched after him slowly, "You know, that guy has a problem..." Padfoot insisted.  
  
"And you don't?" Moony muttered.  
  
"'Course not! I'm perfectly fine!" Padfoot sung happily as he skipped down the hallway and out of sight.  
  
Moony coughed and turned toward Prongs, "He won't attack me in my sleep, will he?"  
  
Prongs grinned, "I wouldn't go to sleep for a while, Moony..."  
  
Moony grumbled and walked down the hallway slowly. Prongs snickered and followed after.  
  
Once everyone had evacuated the hallway, Wormtail stood solely in the middle of the dark passage. He frowned thoughtfully, "But why would the birds and the bees wrestle each other?"

----------  
  
Two nights later the Marauders were slowly making their way down to dinner, usually they'd be running to catch the first bite, but they seemed to be tired from last night's activities...   
  
Last night happened to be the full moon where the real Moony, Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail ran throughout the Forbidden Forest. But that is not our story... Maybe some other time...  
  
Wormtail stumbled forward as Prongs carefully caught him, "Be careful." Prongs muttered as he attempted to hide a yawn.  
  
"Mmm... Green Jell-O..." Padfoot gurgled from the right as he was seen with his eyes closed and licking an imaginary spoon.  
  
"He's gonna run into a wall or something..." Moony frowned at his friend.  
  
Prongs shrugged and thumped Padfoot on the back, making Padfoot run into the stone wall. Padfoot sighed and fell to his knees, asleep.  
  
"Just leave him there..." Prongs muttered to a worried Moony and hurried along.  
  
The three marauders walked into the Great Hall and took a seat carefully at their table. Wormtail happily devoured down everything in sight, along with Moony's beloved pair of mittens...  
  
"My mittens..." Moony sobbed while Prongs gave him a sympathetic look. "Padfoot gave them to me..." Moony sniffed as Prongs raised a careful eyebrow. Moony blushed and didn't say anything for the rest of the meal.  
  
The three marauders slowly trudged back up to Gryffindor Tower, and had to dissemble Padfoot from Mrs. Norris on the way... The poor feline had walked over to Padfoot when he was seemingly knocked out, resulting in Padfoot believing Mrs. Norris was a bowl of green Jell-O...  
  
When the four boys were sitting on their dorm room floor (Padfoot now fully awake while looking at Moony devilishly and Moony glaring back at him.) Prongs cleared his throat, "We have yet to play a prank on the Slytherins in nearly a week... So, anyone have any ideas...?"  
  
Moony frowned, "We could cast an invisibly charm on their clothes?"  
  
Wormtail shuddered, "No, that'd just be disturbing..."  
  
"We could test out the charm on Moony's clothes..." Padfoot added hopefully.  
  
Moony smacked his forehead, instantly regretting announcing his idea.  
  
Prongs rolled his eyes and whined, "We have to do something!"  
  
"Make Pixies attracted to their shampoo?" Wormtail asked hopefully.  
  
"I don't think they use shampoo..." Moony began.  
  
"Or they can't because that idiot Malfoy uses up the entire inventory of shampoo for his eyebrows..." Padfoot interjected.  
  
The others snickered, "Well, how about we take a kitchen run and figure it out on the way?" Wormtail moaned.  
  
"Sure." Prongs patted his stomach and stood up. "Let's go..."

-----------  
  
The Marauders were walking easily down the hallway when a meowing sound was heard from far away. Prongs looked terrified and hissed, "Dear God... It's Mrs. Norris, she's probably out for revenge on Padfoot for gnawing on her!"  
  
The Marauders looked at Wormtail's watch and realized it was after hours, they quickly sprinted into a nearby room, slamming the door shut behind them.  
  
When the meowing decreased by one hundred percent, Padfoot made to open the door and coming upon the realization that the door was indeed locked. The Marauders sighed in frustration upon realizing that it was incredibly dark in the room also...  
  
"I believe we're in the same room..." Moony grumbled as Padfoot squealed with delight. "Now, does anyone have a wand?"  
  
Everyone was silent as they all realized that, indeed so, their wands were carefully placed on Prongs' bed... Wormtail sighed. "This isn't fair..."  
  
"_It most certainly isn't_..." A greasy voice from the far corner was heard.  
  
"**AHHH**!" Wormtail shrieked.  
  
"Not AGAIN!?" Moony whined and threw himself to the floor.  
  
"Yes, Wolfie... Again. I got myself stuck in here, as did you..." Snape grumbled.  
  
"How the heck did you get stuck in here!?" Prongs asked wondrously.  
  
"Erm... I was paying tribute..."  
  
"Uh, to what?" Padfoot asked curiously.  
  
"To Eddie." Snape ended simply as Moony was heard knocking his head against the wall...

_To Be Continued..._**Author's Note:** Hehehe... Funny stuff! Well, I'm sorry that chapter wasn't as funny as it should have been... But I needed to have a plot in this installment... Because I needed to have some way of explaining how the get out and back in again...  
  
Well, review and left me know what you think... Oh, and the One-Hundredth Reviewer with have an Uber-Cool Cameo... Thanks!  
  
Sincerely,

Stone  
  
**PS:** MY BIRTHDAY IS THE 7TH!!! I'LL BE FIFTEEN! MWHAHAHA...


	6. Forever Stuck With Mosquito Man

**Author's Note:** Hello everyone! waves I know... I know... It's been over a month! I'm sorry! But I've been really busy with school! I hope you all can forgive me!  
  
Well, here's the SIXTH chapter of your favorite fic! Enjoy!  
  
**Warning:** Mild SB/RL. There is some SLASH mentioned, meaning man/man relationships. Read if you must...  
  
** Stuck in Idiotville**  
  
_ by Lady Stone  
_  
"Can we sing a song...?" Wormtail pouted hopefully.  
  
"You have got to be kidding me..." Moony grumbled. "Why even ask the damn question! You know better! I've had to listen to you idiots all sing incredibly stupid songs LAST TIME! I shall not allow you to do so again!" Moony hissed.  
  
"Wow... You'd be a good Professor, Moony..." Prongs noted in amazement.  
  
"Yup. The Professor Of Love..." Padfoot snickered evilly. "Oh, Moony... Please teach me in the ways of love-**OUCH**!"  
  
"Mwhahahahaha! Bow to the power of Mosquito Man!" Moony howled.  
  
"What the hell!" Snape hissed in confusion.  
  
"He just **BIT** me! He** BIT** me!" Padfoot whined. "I wouldn't normally care... But it hurt!"  
  
"Moony!?" Prongs gasped.  
  
"I'm not gonna turn into a werewolf!? Will I!?" Padfoot whimpered.  
  
"Well... He bites into his dinner... And we've never run into rabid, man- flesh eating carrots during a Full Moon..." Wormtail thought aloud.  
  
"That's DIFFERENT! They're not ALIVE!" Padfoot yelped.  
  
"Either will you be if you don't SHUT UP!" Snape yelled.  
  
"Everyone calm down! Padfoot, you'll be fine! Snape, stop yelling! And Moony! STOP GNAWING ON MY ANKLE!" Prongs screamed.  
  
"Sorry... Thought it was a table leg..." Moony grumbled.  
  
"I think he's chocolate-deprived again..." Wormtail wondered.  
  
"Hmm... Anyone got any?" Prongs asked.  
  
"Erm... I have some cauliflower..." Snape offered.  
  
"Uh... No thanks, Snivellus." Prongs insisted.  
  
"Old McDonald had a farm... E-I-E-I-O! And on this farm he had a... DOG! E- I-E-I-O! With a _'woofwoof'_ there, a _'woofwoof'_ here-"  
  
"STOP IT!" Padfoot screeched. "I thought Moony told you not to sing, Wormtail!"  
  
"Uh... That was Moony..." Wormtail cowered.  
  
Prongs coughed. "Right, then..."  
  
"Hey, anyone know what time it is...?" Snape asked dully.  
  
"I have a watch! But it's too dark to see it!" Wormtail quipped.  
  
"Moony, love! You have wolf eyes... Can you see Wormtail's watch?" Padfoot asked hopefully.  
  
"Padfoot... He had mistaken my ankle for a table leg... I really don't think he can see much..." Prongs sighed.  
  
"Moony...? Hello?" Wormtail questioned the dark, "He hasn't spoken in a while..."  
  
"NO! MOONY! WAKE UP! I WON'T LET YOU DIE!" Padfoot screamed.  
  
"Please... Just kill me... Please?" Moony whispered aloud.  
  
"YAY! You're alive!" A loud smooching sound was heard.  
  
"I repeat... Please, just kill me." Moony grumbled.  
  
"I will!" A random voice was heard. "Then I can have Padfoot all to myself! Mwhahaha..."  
  
"AHH!" Wormtail screeched.  
  
"Who are you!?" Prongs whimpered.  
  
"KILL ME!" Moony insisted.  
  
"NOT MOONY!" Padfoot yelped.  
  
"KILL ME! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! KILL ME!" Snape bellowed.  
  
"Tis I... dun-dun-dun... Mwpp-lover!" The random voice spoke.  
  
"AHHHH-" Wormtail stopped. "Who!?"  
  
"I get a cameo appearance!" Mwpp-lover sang happily.  
  
"A cameo in what!?" Moony asked, confused.  
  
"In this story!"  
  
"Wha...? Story?" Padfoot contemplated.  
  
"Yup! Story!" Mwpp-lover quipped.  
  
A random bell went off.  
  
"Oh..." Mwpp-lover remarked sadly. "My cameo is over... But I do hope to return! BWHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
The five others were silent as they saw a flash of light... And Mwpp-lover was forever gone.  
  
"Oh... Why'd she go?" Wormtail sniffed.  
  
"Because she had to..." Prongs said sadly.  
  
"Well, she forgot to kill Moony... Yippee!" Padfoot yelped as Moony grumbled.  
  
"Damn... She didn't take me with her. Oh well... The next time a random person shows up in cameo... Then I shall be gone... FOREVER! MWHAHAHAHA!" Snape laughed hysterically.  
  
"Shut up and go find Eddie!" Prongs insisted.  
  
Snape sobbed and ran to the corner of the room... Knocking Wormtail in the forehead with his knee. Wormtail thumped to the ground... Unconscious.  
  
"Well... Erm, right then..." Moony coughed.  
  
"So... Anyone have any ideas of what to do to pass the time?" Prongs asked aloud.  
  
"Uh... We could... No, that wouldn't work... We don't have lights... Oh! How about-Wait... Wouldn't work either, no peanut butter... OH! I KNOW! We could... Damn! We don't have any strawberry lotion..." Padfoot cursed under his breath.  
  
_Silence.  
_  
"Anyone else have any other ideas?" Prongs asked hopefully.  
  
"We could... Play Truth or Dare! Wait... Wouldn't work... No lights. Then, just Truth!" Snape interjected from the corner.  
  
"Okay! We'll play Truth!" Prongs said happily as Snape and Padfoot nodded their agreements. Moony moaned and Wormtail made a gurgling noise from the floor...

_To Be Continued...  
_**Author's Note:** Sorry it's so short... But I don't feel good... That's why I'm not at school right now. I need to rest my back before I get surgery on it... Fun.  
  
Well, review any questions for the Marauders and Snape playing Truth. Oh, hope Mwpp-lover enjoyed her cameo! Hope everyone else did too! Thanks for everyone who reviewed! You guys are the best!   
  
Sincerely,

Stone  
  
**PS:** Thanks for all the birthday wishes! They really meant a lot to me! I'M FIFTEEN!!! W00T!!!


	7. The TRUTH About Death Defying Furbys

**Author's Note:** Hello all! waveth It's Christmas break... Thought I'd give you lucky smucks something to do! So, enjoy!  
  
Well, I was told to continue this extrusion... Or a potato peeler of doom would have been unleashed upon me... 0.o Uh... I'm a tad bit frightened mind you...  
  
I saw ROTK on Friday... It was pretty cool... 'Cept my Orlando darling was barely in there... Still a good film, though.  
  
**Warning:** This fanfiction contains SB/RL slash. **(Slash is same sex relationships.)** Tad bit is mentioned, turn back now if you do not approve.  
  
** Stuck in Idiotville  
**  
_ by Lady Stone_  
  
"Well, who wants to go first?" Prongs asked uncertainly.  
  
"Uh... I guess I will..." Wormtail murmured from his spot on the floor, rubbing his head. He had just awoken a few moments before. "I'm going to ask... Um... Snape!"  
  
Snape made a whining noise from the corner. "Must I respond correctly?"  
  
"Yes, everyone must." Padfoot snapped.  
  
"Or what!?" Snape sniffed.  
  
"Or I'll... I'll... Uh... Tell everyone in school about your devotion to Eddie the Elf!" Padfoot hissed.  
  
"No!" Snape gasped, horrified. "You wouldn't dare!"  
  
"Yes... Yes, I would..." Padfoot gurgled weirdly.  
  
Wormtail let out a small cough, "May I continue now?" He asked uncertainly.  
  
"Yeah... Just go." Moony sighed.  
  
"Snape, what is your deepest, darkest, never-tell-anyone, fearful, horrible- "  
  
"Oh! Just get on with it already!" Prongs quipped.  
  
"Secret." Wormtail finished firmly.  
  
Snape moaned. "That's not fair... I don't have one..."  
  
_Silence._  
  
"Oh, come on! Everyone has one!" Moony interjected.  
  
Snape sighed. "Fine... My deepest secret is... Is... I-I... I have a crush on Professor McGonagal!" Snape yelled, sobbing into his hands.  
  
"Oh great wizards..." Prongs breathed as Moony started laughing uncontrollably.  
  
A thud was heard as Wormtail passed out, either from shock or the fact that Padfoot had just accidentally threw half of Eddie at Wormtail's head in the midst of all the drama.  
  
"Yes... It's true..." Snape sniffled. He was silent for a moment, then, "DON'T YOU DARE TELL A SOUL!"  
  
"Uh... I really don't want to repeat that in the first place..." Prongs murmured.  
  
Moony hiccuped, "Don't worry. You don't tell a soul about me, I won't tell a soul about you..."  
  
Snape nodded into the darkness.  
  
Padfoot snickered slightly, "Yup, I've got your back, buddy 'ole pal... Though, I'll tend to use this to my black mailing ways..."  
  
Snape grumbled. "Whatever. My turn. I shall turn the tables on... Uh... How about Potter?"  
  
Prongs gulped. "Must we... Why don't we go onto Moony, perhaps...?"  
  
"Hey!?" Moony snapped.  
  
"No. Wolfie will have his time, now is yours..." Snape smirked coldly into the beckoning dark. "Potter, what's something you've never told anyone?"  
  
"Yeah... What haven't you told us...?" Moony asked curiously.  
  
"Must I answer..." Prongs moaned. "It's terrible... I don't want to repeat it..."  
  
"Yes! You have to!" Padfoot insisted.  
  
"Well... Last year... I was going to visit Professor McGonagal's office because I had a question about the assignment... Then... When I was near the office, I heard... I heard some noises... It was, uh... It was her and Professor Dumbledore... Uh, yeah... I had nightmares for weeks." Even though you couldn't see in the dark room, Prongs' face was a shade curiously the color of puke.  
  
"**AHH!**" Padfoot cried and curled into fetal position on the floor.  
  
"BAD MENTAL IMAGE! BAD MENTAL IMAGE!" Moony yelped and clawed at his eyes.  
  
"Told you it was bad..." Prongs muttered.  
  
"No!" Snape sniffed. "My Minerva... Why must you do this to me!? Why!?"  
  
_Silence._  
  
"Uh... I'm learning too much about Snivellus than I rather would want to..." Padfoot winced as Moony nodded in illusion.  
  
"My turn!" Prongs quipped happily. "I shall be the... PROPOSER OF DOOM! MWHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Uh... That's wonderful Prongsy..." Padfoot commented lightly.  
  
"Wax-flavored cotton candy... Yum... Must destroy all the Furbys... Must destroy... Eat Jimmy Johns... Eat..." Wormtail gurgled from the corner.  
  
"Riiight... Well, Moony... How about it? I think it's your turn!" Prongs beamed.  
  
Moony shook his head in his hands. "I have a doctor's note... I cannot play Truth for it raises my blood sugar..." Moony said helplessly.  
  
Prongs rolled his eyes, "Sure..."  
  
"No, seriously. I do." A crinkling of paper was heard. "It's been signed by Padfoot."  
  
"The doctor of Love..." Padfoot sung happily.  
  
"Moony! You're playing the game and it's settled!" Prongs snapped.  
  
"Hey! Don't yell at my honey bun!" Padfoot screamed.  
  
"I can yell at him if I want to! You can't do anything about it!" Prongs hissed.  
  
"Yes I can!" A loud thud was heard, followed by screaming and the sounds of punches being thrown.  
  
Moony sighed. "So... How are you Snivellus?"  
  
"Same old, same old..." Snape replied tiredly.  
  
The fighting stopped after a few minutes. "I'm never talking to you again, Sirius Black!"  
  
"Like I care, James Potter!" Padfoot yelled.  
  
"Die Furby... Die..." Peter murmured.  
  
"What are your plans for the weekend, Snivellus?" Moony asked innocently.  
  
"Ah... Nothing much. If I'm out of here I plan to go down to Hogsmeade and get some more sweets... But if I am still here, I plan to hang myself with my shoelaces. You?" Snape asked.  
  
"Well, I was thinking about revising my Defense Against The Dark Arts report... If I'm here... I was pondering, maybe my death or such..." Moony replied.  
  
"That's lovely." Snape said.  
  
"Isn't it just?" Moony nodded slightly.  
  
Still not a sound as Prongs and Padfoot refused to talk, and Peter kept attacking Moony subconsciously, for he thought Moony was an overlarge Furby.  
  
"Oh! For Great Wizards! Just talk, will you!?" Moony complained to Prongs and Padfoot.  
  
"I won't until I hear an apology from... Him." Padfoot sniffed.  
  
"And I, him." Prongs glared.  
  
"This is completely pointless... You guys are sitting right next to each other anyway!" Snape hissed.  
  
"Look... Padfoot, if you apologize to Prongs... I'll... Uh... You know what? It's not worth it. I rather not have you guys talk anyway." Moony sighed.  
  
It was eerily quiet.  
  
"Okay... I can't take it much longer! Would someone say something!?" Moony whined.  
  
"I like cherries." Snape offered and shrugged.  
  
"That's... Just wonderful..." Moony forced a smile in the dark.  
  
"Well... You asked for someone to say something... And I did." Snape replied.  
  
"Yeah... I suppose I did..." Moony coughed.  
  
"Furby... No... Came back to life... Die... Furby" Wormtail gurgled loudly from his corner as no one else made a sound.

_To Be Continued..._

__  
  
**Author's Note:** Hope you liked it! Well, I'm sorry it's not longer... But I must go out and buy a Birthday present for my friend Helen... Sorry! Well, my back is feeling better! Thanks you guys! Buh-byez! waveth  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Stone


	8. The Room of His and Her's

**Author's Note:** Guten tag! I'm so sorry it took so long to get this new episode out! Just been busy going through boyfriend after boyfriend... Well, I really hope you enjoy this!  
  
**Warning:** This fanfiction contains SB/RL slash pairing. Slash is same-sex relationships. If you wish not to read slash, turn back now, please.  
  
** Stuck in Idiotville  
**  
_ by Lady Stone_  
  
"You know what? I don't feel like playing anymore..." Moony sniffed and scratched his elbow in the dark room.  
  
"Wolfie, I don't know if you've noticed... But for the past fifteen minutes we haven't been playing anything. Potter and Black aren't talking to each other, Pettigrew has been muttering in his sleep about tomatoes, and I've been reciting potions ingredients in my head..." Snape drawled boredly.  
  
_Silence.  
_  
"Oh." Moony responded blankly and added, "You two ready to make up yet?" Moony questioned his two best friends.  
  
_Silence.  
_  
"Maybe they're dead..." Moony commented worriedly.  
  
"Don't get my hopes up." Snape snapped.   
  
"Honestly, do either of you remember what you were fighting about?" Moony asked quizzically.  
  
"Because he yelled at my Moony..." Padfoot grumbled.  
  
"I did not!" Prongs interjected.  
  
"Did too!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did too!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!" Wormtail yelped upon first waking up.  
  
"Don't tell me to shut up!" Padfoot yelled back.  
  
"Wha...? I have no idea what you're talking about." Wormtail blinked in the dark room.  
  
"You just yelled at me!" Padfoot hissed.  
  
"No... I don't believe so."   
  
Padfoot was heard growling loudly and falling back on his elbows. "Whatever... Now, what are we gonna do?"  
  
"Wonder if we'll ever get out of here?" Prongs asked uncertainly.  
  
"No." Snape said sourly.  
  
"Thanks for the support, Snivellus..." Prongs grumbled.  
  
"Well... We left before... Then some unknown force drew us back!" Snape insisted.  
  
"Well, Eddie drew you back... Maybe cauliflower drew us back!" Wormtail chirped.   
  
"Or... dun-dun-dun... HER!" Padfoot announced.  
  
"Who's... _'Her'_?" Prongs asked skeptically.  
  
"You know... HER!" Padfoot repeated.  
  
"Who's that...?" Moony entered the conversation.  
  
"HER!" Padfoot yelled.  
  
"WHO'S HER!?" Snape screamed.  
  
"HER!"  
  
"Who is that!?" Wormtail bellowed.  
  
_Silence.  
_  
"I don't know. I was just trying to pass the time." Padfoot shrugged.  
  
Moony and Prongs growled as Wormtail looked around blankly.   
  
"Freak." Snape muttered.  
  
"Hey, anyone know a seven letter word for _'Hell'_?" Padfoot questioned.  
  
"This room." Wormtail answered swiftly.  
  
"That's eight letters..." Prongs sighed.  
  
"You can take of the_ 'T'_..." Wormtail replied.  
  
"His room?" Padfoot said aloud.  
  
"Whose room?" Moony asked.  
  
"His."  
  
"Whose?"  
  
"His..."  
  
"Whose...?"  
  
"HIS!" Padfoot yelled.  
  
Moony sobbed, "Don't yell at me!"  
  
"Moony! I didn't mean to! I swear!" Padfoot said hurriedly.  
  
Moony sniffed. "Uh-huh. Sure."  
  
Even though you couldn't see him, Snape rolled his eyes and sighed. "Should we give you two a moment?"  
  
_Sniffle. Sniffle._ "No..." Moony's voice quivered.  
  
"This is just plain pathetic." Snape hissed to himself.   
  
"I'm a barbie girl! In a barbie world! Life is plastic! It's fan-"  
  
"SHUT UP, WORMTAIL!" Prongs screamed and covered his ears in attempt to ward off the evil song.  
  
"But... I wanna sing the barbie song!" Wormtail insisted.  
  
"WHY!?" Prongs asked.  
  
"Because... I feel pretty."  
  
_Silence._  
  
"You know what? Go ahead and sing the damn song." Prongs curled into fetal position and started humming Michael Jackson to himself.  
  
Snape winced as Wormtail started the song up again. "Once upon a time... I had believed Hufflepuffs were the stupid ones... I have been proved wrong." Snape shook his head sadly.  
  
"Why did you need a seven letter word for hell?" Moony asked Padfoot.  
  
"Because I love you."  
  
_Silence.  
_  
"Why did you need a seven letter word for hell?" Moony repeated himself without acknowledging the previous response.  
  
"For my crossword." Padfoot replied.  
  
"What crossword...?" Moony shook his head, confused-like.  
  
"The one in my head."  
  
"Oh." Moony coughed. "So... How's life?"  
  
"Without you... Nothing."   
  
Moony rolled his eyes, wishing he had Eddie the Elf to confine in.

_To Be Continued..._

_  
_  
**Author's Note:** Shortness... Once again. SORRY! Just other random things to deal with! I'll have another one up this by this weekend! PROMISE!  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Stone


	9. Simply: Apple Sauce is At Fault

**Author's Note:** Is Lady Stone horrible about getting stories out soon? _everyone nods_   
  
**Warning:** This fanfiction contain's mild SB/RL slash pairing. This means a same-sex relationship. You've been cautioned.  
  
** Stuck in Idiotville**  
  
_ by Lady Stone_  
  
Moony sat in the complete silence that the room had overtaken for the last thirty minutes. Normally, he'd be afraid of the Marauder's silence. But, this time was an exception, considering he was welcoming the silence happily.  
  
Snape had crawled into a corner and was thinking how much of his life would be wasted if he were stuck here for the remainder of his life... Which wouldn't be long, considering they didn't have any food.  
  
Wormtail was playing a silent game with himself, the rules were quite simple, actually. They consisted of Wormtail touching his nose in the dark room without missing... So far, he'd made it twice and missed thirteen times. Though, who was counting?  
  
Prongs was grinning stupidily in the silence while thinking about Lily Evans. He wondered briefly if she was missing him as much as he was missing her. Unaware to him, Lily was presently getting hit on by Lucius Malfoy in the library.  
  
Padfoot didn't have a single thought in his head, not unsual for him, of course.  
  
_Silence._  
  
"I think I just heard a cricket chirp..." Prongs said aloud carefully.  
  
"No," Wormtail winced, "I just poked myself in my eye."  
  
"Oh."  
  
_Silence.  
_  
"Anyone hungry?" Prongs asked. A murmur of agreement arouse. "Well, now that's settled... What shall we eat?"  
  
"You mean, **who** shall we eat." Snape insisted.  
  
"Actually, it'd be** whom**, Severus." Moony corrected tiredly.  
  
"Shut up, Wolfie." Snape grumbled.  
  
"So... Who is it, then?" Padfoot asked.  
  
"Eat Pettigrew, he'd feed more." Snape smirked.  
  
"NO!" Wormtail yelped fearfully.  
  
Prongs sighed impatiently. "He's just joking, Wormtail."  
  
Snape snickered, "Or am I...?"  
  
_Silence._  
  
"Still hungry." Padfoot said grimly.  
  
"Maybe there's a plant in here we can eat...?" Wormtail suggested hopefully.  
  
"I don't like vegetables." Moony responded firmly.  
  
"But, vegetables make you big and tall!" Wormtail argued.  
  
"Oh, **trust** me... Moony's **big**, alright!" Padfoot said smugly.  
  
"EW!" Yelped everyone in the room, minus Padfoot who was grinning, and Moony, who was attempting to strangle himself.  
  
"Do not pay any attention to Padfoot... Seriously." Moony spoke after realized strangling himself wasn't working out properly.  
  
"Seriously Sirius!" Padfoot yelped, overjoyed.  
  
"Ugh." Prongs sighed, slumped back against the wall. "I miss Lily..."  
  
"Sad, huh? Considering you'll never see her again and all..." Padfoot shook his head slowly.  
  
Prongs silently started crying.   
  
"Padfoot!" Wormtail yelled.  
  
Padfoot rolled his eyes, "I was kidding, Prongsy."  
  
Prongs sniffed, "No, it's not that... I just want some apple sauce."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Apple... Apple sauce!?" Moony looked deeply disturbed. "How does Lily remind you of apple sauce...?"  
  
Prongs sobbed loudly, "Because she **LIKES** APPLE SAUCE!" He sobbed even harder.  
  
"Bloody hell, make it stop!" Snape hissed, covering his ears in any attempt to ward off the sobbing sounds. "I'd rather hear Black snogging Lupin than you making that horrid noise, Potter!"  
  
"OKAY!" Padfoot yelled eagerly.  
  
"Wait, no! Sto-" Moony sentence was cut short as Padfoot lept on top of him. "SOMEONE PULL HIM OFF! HUR-" Smooching noises then took place.  
  
Wormtail jumped up to run to Moony's rescue, but whilst running over to him, he tripped over Prong's sobbing form and fell onto Snape, knocking their heads together. Both were unconsious in seconds.  
  
The only sounds occupying the room now were Prongs' sobbing, and Padfoot attempting to snog Moony while Moony was despartely trying to push him off.

_To Be Continued..._**Author's Note:** Hope you enjoyed! I'll definitely make tons more chapters this summer! After June, of course... I'm currently taking Driver's Training... Exciting, huh? 


	10. Nude HouseElves and Toothpick Food

**Author's Note:** Oh my God... CAN IT BE!? Did Lady Stone **actually** get a chapter out before a month's time!?  
  
...  
  
YES, SHE CERTAINLY DID!  
  
**Warning:** This fanfiction chapter contains slight mentions of slash (same-sex relationships). Continue at your own risk. You've been cautioned.

** Stuck in Idiotville  
**   
_by Lady Stone  
_

Ten minutes had passed; Snape and Wormtail were still unconscious, Prongs had ceased sobbing and was now staring at the floor mumbling about Lily, and Moony and Padfoot sat in silence. Not to mention Padfoot's cheek was red and sore after Moony had slapped him for his 'inappropriate' behavior.   
  
"I want out." Moony snapped at no one in particular.   
  
"I want Lily." Prongs moaned pityingly.  
  
"I want Moony. We can't all have what we want..." Padfoot commented sadly.  
  
"No truer words have ever been spoken." Prongs agreed, sighing and shaking his head in exasperation.  
  
Moony growled. "Seriously,-"  
  
"Yes, my Love?" Padfoot asked sweetly.  
  
"**Seriously**, we need to figure a way out of here!" Moony spoke.  
  
"There** is** no way out of here! We're stuck here forever!" Prongs starting sobbing once more, curling into fetal position.   
  
"Ugh... THAT IS THE **LAST** THING I WANTED TO WAKE UP TO, POTTER!" Snape hissed loudly.   
  
Wormtail could be heard groaning. "Oh, Great Wizards! I can't see! I CAN'T **SEE**! AHHH!" With that, Wormtail jumped up and ran straight forward - in a wall.   
  
Moony rolled his eyes to the sound of Wormtail falling to the floor unconscious. "You've have got to be kidding me! Do you realize how many times someone has been knocked out in this Godforsaken room!?"  
  
Padfoot was silent for a moment, and then he responded. "Well, Prongs once by getting hit with Eddie... Wormtail three times, Snape once, and me once!" Padfoot replied happily.  
  
"What about, Wolfie? He ever been knocked out?" Snape asked coldly.  
  
"Nope." Padfoot said cheerily.  
  
"So..." Prongs spoke.  
  
_Silence._  
  
"Oh shit." Moony blinked and jumped up, but Prongs had already caught his legs. Moony fell back on his arse, yelping.  
  
"**AHHH! SAVE ME, PADFOOT**!" Moony screeched.  
  
Padfoot yelled, "I'll rescue you!" With that he went to pounce on Prongs, only to have Snape pull him back down.  
  
"It's Wolfie's turn!** HE DESERVES IT**!" Snape tackled Padfoot to the ground.  
  
"**NOO! MY PRECIOUS**!" Padfoot screamed.   
  
"**SHUT UP, BLACK**!" Growled Snape.   
  
"**NO**!"  
  
"**YES**!"  
  
"**NO**!"  
  
"**YES**!"  
  
"Both of you, **STOP IT**!" Prongs fumed. He had released Moony, considering Moony had bit his hand and ran to some random spot in the room, unseen by all of them. "He's in a corner somewhere!"  
  
"Yay, Moony!" Padfoot jumped away from Snape happily. "We should play hide-and-seek!"  
  
"Have we not learned anything from playing all those other games in the dark?" Snape asked tiredly.  
  
_Silence._  
  
"Nope." Padfoot grinned beside himself.  
  
"I refuse to play." Prongs said simply.  
  
"Me too." Snape added.  
  
"Fine! I'll play with Moony! Moony, here I come!" With that, Padfoot started to walk around the room mindlessly. Within a few moments time, he stopped and yelled, "I FOUND HIM!" With that, he fell to his knees and hugged Moony. "Moony... You've gained some weight..."  
  
"That's not me, Padfoot." Moony's voice came from the other side of the room.   
  
_Silence.  
_  
"Oh." Padfoot just sat there.  
  
"Mind letting me go, Padfoot?" Came Wormtail's sleepy voice.   
  
"Er... Right." Padfoot walked back to the middle of the room. Tripping over Snape as he went. "What do you think you're doing, sitting there!?" Padfoot hollering.  
  
"Painting a picture of some nude House-Elves." Snape replied sarcastically.  
  
_Silence.  
_  
" I was **kidding**!" Snape yelled, and the rest of the room members sighed in relief. "Bloody idiots..." Snape mumbled.  
  
"I think it's pretty late now..." Prongs stifled a yawn. "Perhaps we should get some shut-eye."  
  
"Yeah." Wormtail mumbled and, though unseen, curled up into a ball and fell fast asleep. Prongs too curled up and fell asleep.  
  
"I am **not** sleeping in the same room as all of you!" Snape hissed.  
  
"Fine, you stay wide awake then!" Moony remarked from a corner of the room. When he fell asleep, Padfoot snuck over and laid down next to him to sleep.  
  
"I'll just stay awake... Yup. No sleeping for Severus... Nope. I don't need any sleep! All I need is a toothpick... And some marshmallows to feed to the toothpick." With that, Snape quickly fell into sleep.

_To be continued..._

__  
  
**Author's Note:** Cute! They're all asleep! Now let's wake them up by clanging pots and pans together! BWHAHAHAHA!  
  
Also, I passed my driver's test! WOO-HOO!  
  
_Check out my MWPP, RL/SB humor one-shot: Why I Love You_


	11. Thanks for The Obvious, Padfoot!

**Author's Note:** Aww... All my reviewers make me happy! I was having a crappy day today, and I get online and I see all my reviews! I love all of you guys! You are **SO** nice! Hehehe... So, I hereby dedicate this chapter to you!  
  
**Warning:** Mentions of slash** (same-sex relationships)**. You've been forewarned.

**Stuck in Idiotville**  
  
_by Lady Stone_

The Marauders and Snape all woke up to a very loud beeping noise. _BEEP BEEP BEEP_.  
  
"What is that!?" Prongs shouted, covering his ears. "MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"  
  
"Maybe it's a sign we're going to die!" Wormtail squeaked and started crying.  
  
"IT'S A BOMB!" Padfoot screamed and wrapped his arms around Moony, who narrowed his eyes in annoyance.  
  
Snape was heard muttering something along the lines of _"kill me now, kill me now"_.  
  
"Wormtail?" Moony asked slowly after patting Padfoot on the head to calm him down.  
  
"Yeah, Moony!?" Wormtail yelled over the beeping.  
  
"It's your watch."  
  
_Silence._  
  
"Oh." With that, Wormtail tapped the side of his wristwatch, and the beeping ceased quickly.  
  
"Idiots." Snape fumed.  
  
"The beeping meant it's time for breakfast..." Wormtail added.  
  
"You've **GOT** to be kidding me!" Prongs groaned.  
  
"That's **it**!" Moony yelled and jumped up. "I suggest we all run at the door, screaming, and smash it down."  
  
"Why do we have to scream?" Padfoot asked.  
  
"JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT!" Moony yelled at him, and Padfoot started whimpering. Moony sighed. "Sorry, Padfoot... I just **really** want out of here."  
  
"Okay, let's try Moony's idea, you guys!" Prongs insisted as everyone assembled in the middle of the room. "On the count of five... We run at the door. Also, screaming isn't necessary." Prongs added, and Moony attempted to glare at him in the dark room, but he really was just glaring at a table.  
  
"One..." Prongs spoke. "Two... Three-" All of a sudden, Wormtail let out a scream and took off running.  
  
_Slam.  
_  
"Umm... Wormtail, he said **five** not **three**..." Padfoot said uneasily.  
  
"Oh... I knew that... I, er... Was just getting warmed up?" Wormtail suggested.  
  
"Or, **wormed** up! Haha!" Moony said perkily.  
  
_Silence._  
  
"Well,** I** thought it was clever..." Moony spat.  
  
"S'okay, Moony. I still love ya." Padfoot nodded.  
  
"Well, let's start again... One... Two... Three... Four..." Prongs breathed in. "**FIVE**!"  
  
All took off toward the door. _SMASH_!  
  
"IT WORKED!" Prongs shouted as everyone cheered.  
  
"Uh... Potter?" Snape said slowly.  
  
"What, Snivellus!?" Padfoot snapped.  
  
"I **was** going to say something... But... NEVERMIND!" Snape fumed.  
  
Moony sighed, "No, what is it?"  
  
"Well, seems as though we smashed through the wrong door. This one is a closet door." Snape growled.  
  
_Silence.  
_  
"CRAP!" Padfoot yelled and hit his fist against the stone wall. "SHIT!" Padfoot sniffed and cradled his hand.  
  
"You okay?" Wormtail asked.  
  
"No... Moony, will you kiss my boo-boo?" Padfoot asked pathetically. Moony growled, and grabbed Padfoot's hand and was about to press his lips to it when Padfoot pulled his hand away and, instead, kissed Moony.  
  
"PADFOOT!?" Moony yelled when he finally pulled away.  
  
Wormtail snickered and Prongs was edging around the room, feeling for the right door.  
  
"Yes, my Love?" Padfoot asked innocently. Moony growled and stomped away.  
  
"Found the door!" Prongs called from the opposite side of the room.  
  
"Good job, Potter. Want a cookie?" Snape asked sarcastically.  
  
"Actually... I do."  
  
_Silence._  
  
"Okay." With that, Snape was heard rummaging around in his pockets. "Got it." He shoved a cookie into Prongs' hand when he walked over to him.  
  
"Er... Why do you a cookie, Snape?" Wormtail asked.  
  
"What, is it a crime to carry around a cookie now!?" Snape barked.  
  
"Erm, nevermind." Wormtail muttered.  
  
"Okay, count of five... **FIVE**, Wormtail... **FIVE**! Got it, **FIVE**!?" Prongs repeated.  
  
"**OKAY**!" Wormtail yelled.  
  
"One..." Prongs began.  
  
"Two..." Padfoot spoke.  
  
Moony's turn, "Three..."  
  
"Four..." Snape said.  
  
_Silence._  
  
Wormtail began humming.  
  
"Your turn!" Snape nudged him violently.  
  
"Oh!" Wormtail yelped, "Three!" He set off to run before Padfoot pulled him back.  
  
"ARE YOU BLOODY KIDDING ME!?" Padfoot roared.  
  
Prongs smacked his head. "Wormtail, just say **five**, okay? **Five**."  
  
"Okay!" Wormtail said happily. "**FIVE**!"  
  
All four residents ran as forcefully as they could, and shouldered into the door. _SMASH_!  
  
Light shined through the room as all five fell out of the room, and onto each other over the stone floor.  
  
Moony heard gasping and screaming as he looked up. He gaped, Prongs let out a strangled scream, Wormtail began choking furiously, and Snape turned beat red.  
  
But, Padfoot, as always... Pointed out the obvious, "Heh, looks like we went through the wrong door!" He spoke cheerily as he looked around the Great Hall and the entire school eating breakfast.  
  
---  
  
**Author's Note:** Aww... They've escaped! WHAT NOW!?


	12. The Idiots' Final Jingle

**Author's Note:** Yes, I've finally updated... Well, I thank all of you for your votes and reviews! They really mean a lot! Now... Onto the story!

**Warning:** This fanfiction contains mentions of slash **(same-sex relationships)**. You've been warned.

**Stuck in Idiotville**

_by Lady Stone_

Padfoot happily bounced up, dragging Moony with him, and he rushed over to the Gryffindor Table to scarf down some breakfast. Moony allowed himself to be dragged, considering he was in a state of shock and embarrassment.

Wormtail attempted to get off the floor, but as soon as he stood up he passed out in shock and fell over - onto Prongs. Prongs kicked the heavy boy off and chased after Moony and Padfoot towards the table.

Snape stood up carefully, casting a glance around the room, as all the occupants starred in awe and confusion at him. Snape - who's most defiantly not used to being the center of attention - felt nauseous and rushed out of the Great Hall and to the nearest bathroom. Which unfortunately happened to be a girl's bathroom...

The Great Hall was still silent, until after a few moments the murmur of voices erupted once again around them. Prongs sighed in relief and watched Padfoot stuff his face with everything placed in front of him. Prongs let out a yelp as Padfoot accidentally munched down on his fingers.

"Sorwee, hout ey wer ootdoogs." Padfoot insisted with his mouth full.

Prongs glared at him and turned to Moony, who was sheet white and was rocking back and forth in his seat.

"Erm, Moony? You okay?" Prongs asked uncertainly.

Extremely slowly, Moony turned his head toward Prongs. His eyes were wide and he opened his mouth, but immediately closed it again as he quickly buried his face in his arms on the table.

Prongs raised an eyebrow and turned to see Lily sit down next to him.

"So, Potter. Been wondering where you and your little friends were." Lily remarked stiffly.

Prongs gave her a lopsided grin, "Noticed me, huh Evans?" He said cheekily.

Lily glared at him and rolled her eyes, "Won't matter now, would it? Considering you were having you own '_fun_' with the boys..." She smirked evilly and stood up, and walked away.

Prongs gaped after her, "She didn't mean... Didn't mean-"

Moony lifted his head up, "That we were having a steamy hot shagging session for hours on end in a very dark room?" He said breezily.

Prongs looked at him in horror. "That's not what everyone thinks!? IS IT!?" He madly looked over at the door that they had collapsed through, as though he would find a huge sign reading: **"THE MARAUDERS AND SEVERUS SNAPE WERE HERE HAVING A STEAMING HOT SHAGGING SESSION FOR HOURS ON END IN THIS VERY DARK ROOM!" **over the door.

But he just found a sign reading: **"DO NOT ENTER - DOOR LOCKS AFTER ENTRY!"** and someone (wonder who?) had painted neatly underneath: **"Resting place of Eddie the Elf - RIP"**.

Prongs turned wildly on Moony and whined, "Do they all think that...?" He whispered.

Moony shrugged, "Eh. Most likely."

Horrified, Prongs turned on Padfoot to see what his reaction was.

Padfoot was eating three pieces of toast, and telling a group of girls how good Moony was in the sack and how Snape and Prongs prefer bondage. How he managed all this at once, one shall never know.

"PADFOOT!?" Prongs screamed and pulled Padfoot away from the girls and out of the Great Hall. Prongs looked over his shoulder to see the group of girls waving flirtatiously at Moony while he attempted to drag Wormtail out of the Great Hall.

"What do you think you're doing!?" Prongs exploded as he shoved Padfoot.

Padfoot grinned and shrugged sheepishly. "I was telling the truth!"

"What the bloody Hell is **THAT** supposed to mean!?" Prongs fumed.

"Well... Moony **is** good in the sack... And I heard you muttering about bondage in your sleep..."

"What about Snape!?" Prongs hissed.

Padfoot was silent. "That's for me to know... And for you to **not** find out." He grinned.

"UGH!" Prongs yelled and stomping his foot into the ground. "This is awful! Now everyone thinks I'm gay!"

"Or desperate. Either way." Padfoot shrugged.

Prongs glared furiously at him. Moony finally made it to the two while pulling Wormtail behind him. "Uh, you guys? I think we need to get Wormtail to the hospital wing."

"He can do it himself!" Prongs yelled at Moony, who raised an eyebrow and looked down at the unconscious boy.

"Sure he can, Prongs... **Sure** he can."

Padfoot chuckled. "Come now, Prongsy! Let's get the rat to the hospital wing. Maybe we can get you some medication for your sexual frustration."

"I'm not sexually frustrated!" Prongs snapped.

"Well, either am I." Padfoot said and winked at Moony, who gave him a warning glance and then thought better of it, and clomped him on the back of his head.

"Owie." Padfoot frowned and rubbed his head.

"You deserved it." Moony said huffily and crossed his arms. "Prongs really **is** going to think we're snogging."

Prongs' anger died down and he looked at the two in confusion. "You mean you're not...?"

Silence.

"Well then... Off we go to the hospital wing!" Padfoot said cheerily and lifted up Wormtail's limp body and walked off. Prongs stilled was confused and Moony patted him comfortably on the back.

"I know this is a lot for you to handle, Prongs. All of this on the same day..." Moony shook his head sadly. "But, you will feel better soon enough."

Prongs nodded numbly. "I'm so confused." He sighed.

Within a few short moments, the four had made it to the hospital wing unharmed... That is, if you don't count Padfoot accidentally tripping and dropping Wormtail down three flights of stairs. But, he was already unconscious, who's going to know?

While Wormtail was checked up on, the other three sat on the bed next to him. Then, Snape walked inside the hospital wing, still looking a little on the nauseous side. He stopped after seeing The Marauders, and turned to walk away before they noticed him.

"'Ello, Snivellus!" Padfoot yelled loudly. Snape sighed and turned back around.

"What do you want, Black?" He snapped angrily.

"You know, I feel so close to you from spending so much time together and all!" Padfoot grinned wickedly.

Snape rolled his eyes. "Oh, very close."

"Yup, like best friends!" Padfoot added.

All of a sudden, Snape's eyes welled up. "You can **never** replace Eddie, you hear me!? **NEVER!**" With that, Snape ran crying from the room.

Silence.

Padfoot turned to look at Prongs and Moony, who's eyes were as wide as dinner plates.

"Well, that was... Odd." Prongs said slowly.

"I sort of feel bad for him... He's so pathetic." Moony sighed and shook his head sympathetically.

"Nah. He's just an idiot." Padfoot insisted.

"No, you're an idiot." Prongs stated.

"You are!" Padfoot argued.

"You both are." Moony sighed.

Wormtail sat up in the next bed and blinked slowly. "We're all idiots..." Then, to Moony's horror, he added, "Now, who's up for a session of Jingle Bells?"

**--The End--**

**Author's Note:** It's all done. I know it's not the funniest chapter ever... But I needed a chapter where it ended with a little more than a cliffhanger... But guess what?

...

There just **might** be some sort of sequel... Oops! Said too much already!

---

Reviewers:

Thank-you all so much! I'd never would have continued if you guys hadn't helped me along! I mean, who couldn't want to continue on with the chapters when you have over 300 reviews! I hope you all enjoyed this series as much as I enjoyed making it!

So long!

...

For now!

Sincerely,

_Stone_


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